Latest Articles
DRAGONS CLAW VICTORY RAPTORS STUN HUMANS OBSESSED WITH NOISE!
By H.R. Rambe · 12/3/2025
## Ape News - Rambe Reports – Sports Roundup – December 3rd, 2025 Greetings, fellow primates! H.R. Rambe here, bringing you the latest from the world of sports, courtesy of Ape News! The Gridiron Ga...
HUMANS SPLIT ON HEAT—Ape News Reports Deep Divide!
By H.R. Rambe · 11/26/2025
## Bananas and Battle Lines: Climate Change Tears America Apart **By H.R. Rambe, Ape News Staff Writer** The air feels thick with more than just humidity these days. Here at Ape News, we’ve been cru...
TARIFFS, TARIFS! ECONOMY SHAKES LIKE APE IN RAIN!
By H.R. Rambe · 11/17/2025
## Ape News Business Roundup - Rambe Reports Greetings, fellow primates! H.R. Rambe here, bringing you the latest from the world of business, as always, courtesy of Ape News. It’s a bit of a jungle o...
LITTLE APES GRABBY FOR PLASTIC, SPINNING, MUSICAL THINGS!
By H.R. Rambe · 11/16/2025
## Ape News: What the Little Ones Are Grabbing For! **By H.R. Rambe** It’s that time of year, friends! The time when the young apes – er, children – start making those *very* specific requests. Here...
APENEWS: NATION SPLINTERS AS WATER BATTLES RAGE!
By H.R. Rambe · 11/16/2025
## Ape News: The Great Water Wars of the Southwest – A Nation Divided **By H.R. Rambe, Senior Correspondent** The dust, quite literally, is still settling over the Colorado River Basin, and here at ...
CENTRAL PARK FREEZES—APE NEWS WARNS OF GALE!
By H.R. Rambe · 11/11/2025
## Brrr! Central Park Bundles Up as Winter Bites Early – Ape News Report **By H.R. Rambe, Ape News Weather Correspondent** Good morning, fellow primates! H.R. Rambe here, reporting live from a decid...
TECH BLOOMS BUT WATCH FOR OVERHEATING - APE NEWS!
By H.R. Rambe · 11/6/2025
## Ape News: The Tech Tree is Blooming, But Watch Out for Overheating! - By H.R. Rambe Greetings, fellow primates! H.R. Rambe here, bringing you the latest from the world of gaming tech, straight fro...
SQUIRREL DRAMA: TELEVISION TO TINY PAWS – APE NEWS INVESTIGATION!
By H.R. Rambe · 11/3/2025
## Ape News Flash: Squirrel Situation – From Television to Tiny Paws! **By H.R. Rambe** Greetings, fellow primates! H.R. Rambe here, bringing you the latest from Ape News! Today’s story is… surprisi...
NYC SOAKED! APE NEWS WARNS OF WET DAYS AHEAD!
By H.R. Rambe · 10/30/2025
## Soggy Bananas in the Big Apple – A Jape News Weather Report **By H.R. Rambe, Jape News Weather Correspondent** Good morning, fellow primates! H.R. Rambe here, bringing you the latest from Ape New...
WET FOREST! Apes Advised To Polish Pebbles – Ape News
By H.R. Rambe · 10/28/2025
## A Damp Day for Banana Gathering, Reports Ape News **By H.R. Rambe, Ape News Weather Correspondent** The forest floor is slick, friends. A dampness hangs in the air, and while the sun *attempts* t...