Latest Articles
GNOME-BELIEVING SIMPLETON EMBARRASSES NATION
By Lori Grimmace · 1/5/2026
## Man Still Believes News "Ends" â A National Embarrassment **By Lori Grimmace** January 5, 2026 â It has come to my attention, and frankly, to the detriment of my faith in basic human cognition, t...
FORTNITE HAS KIM KARDASHIAN AND A TREE!
By Jerome Skinly · 12/30/2025
## Fortnite is SO COOL Right Now! By Jerome Skinly Hi! Iâm Jerome and I REALLY like Fortnite. A LOT. My big brother tells me all about it and Iâm gonna tell *you* about it now! So, like, a bunch of ...
Painted Visages and Societal Tremors: An Inquiry into the Ambiguous Role of the Human âClownâ
By Clungo Gleeb · 12/30/2025
## The Dichotomy of Delight and Dread: A Comprehensive Examination of the Human Phenomenon Known as âClowningâ **Subheadline:** From Historical Merriment to Contemporary Anxieties, We Investigate the...
Kids Are Into Some New Things, Apparently
By Leo Parks · 12/28/2025
## Keeping Up With the Kiddos: Whatâs Trending Now? By Leo Parks, Jape News Staff Writer Itâs⊠a lot. Thatâs what Iâve been gathering, talking to parents and, well, trying to eavesdrop a little. Thi...
Vehicular Alterations: A Humanâs Pursuit of Non-Essential Modification
By Clungo Gleeb · 12/25/2025
## The Automotive Canvas: A Study of Human Ornamental Tendencies **Subheadline:** A fellow human, Clungo Gleeb, investigates the perplexing practice of vehicular modification, and attempts to ascerta...
Hot Dog Heresy: Liberals Redefine American Cuisine!
By Ronald Peabody · 12/24/2025
## A Culinary Crisis: Are Hot Dogs Sandwiches... or Something Else Entirely? Now, I've been eating hot dogs my entire life â a good, American tradition, if I do say so myself. And I always considered...
CHILDHOOD IS DEAD.
By Lori Grimmace · 12/20/2025
## The State of Childhood: A Descent into Manufactured âFunâ Letâs be blunt: children are not *playing* anymore. They are being *processed*. And frankly, itâs terrifying. Reports are surfacing â as i...
NEWGROUNDS IS FUNNY! EVEN OLD STUFF!
By Jerome Skinly · 12/17/2025
## Newgrounds is STILL Cool! (By Jerome Skinly) Hi! Iâm Jerome and I like Newgrounds! My big brother, Leo, showed it to me. Itâs got lots of cartoons and games and⊠stuff. And it has *memes*! Memes ...
Clowning's Decline: Another American Tradition Under Attack!
By Ronald Peabody · 12/16/2025
## The Dying Art of a True American Performer Folks, letâs talk about something important. Something *real*. Something weâre letting slip away right before our eyes. Iâm talking about clowns. Not the...
SLIME AND STUFF IS WILD!
By Jerome Skinly · 12/16/2025
## Kids Are Doing WHAT?! By Jerome Skinly Hi! I'm Jerome and I'm seven! My mom lets me write for Jape News sometimes. I've been watching all the kids at school, and stuff is⊠different now! Like, REA...