Latest Articles
PARENTS: STOP TRYING TO ONE-UP EACH OTHER BEFORE SOMEONE GETS SUED.
By Grimbly31 · 1/12/2026
## Grim’s Guide to Not Ruining Little Timmy’s Big Day (Or Landing Yourself in Court) Look, I’ve seen a *lot* of birthdays. A *lot*. Back in the day, it was mostly pixelated cakes in MUDs and congratu...
FOOD RULES ARE WEIRD!
By Jerome Skinly · 1/11/2026
## My Mom Says NO to the Fridge! Hi! I'm Jerome Skinly and I'm seven! My mom is REALLY good at keeping food safe. But she told me something kinda weird today. Some foods…are NOT allowed in the fridge...
DON'T ROLL SNAKE EYES ON THEIR LIFE: NAME BEFORE REGRET.
By Grimbly31 · 1/9/2026
## Grimbly31’s Guide to Not Ruining a Life (Starting With the Name) Look, I’ve seen some things. Decades spent jacked into the early nets, bouncing between BBS boards and the nascent web… you pick up...
BIRTHDAY PARTIES: CRITICAL FAILURE DETECTED.
By Grimbly31 · 1/9/2026
## The Lag Spike of Childhood: When Birthday Parties Go Wrong Look, I've seen a *lot* of parties. Not the fancy-dress, canapé-and-champagne type, mind you. I’m talking decades of observing human cubs...
Names Are Complicated—Some Things to Consider, Maybe?
By Leo Parks · 12/29/2025
## Thinking of a Name? Some to Maybe…Skip? By Leo Parks, Jape News Staff So, a friend of mine just announced they’re expecting! It’s wonderful news, of course, and everyone’s already excitedly askin...
Kids Are Into Some New Things, Apparently
By Leo Parks · 12/28/2025
## Keeping Up With the Kiddos: What’s Trending Now? By Leo Parks, Jape News Staff Writer It’s… a lot. That’s what I’ve been gathering, talking to parents and, well, trying to eavesdrop a little. Thi...
SCREEN TIME: ARE WE RAISING A GENERATION OF DIGITAL DEMANDS?
By Ronald Peabody · 12/27/2025
## The Tiny Tyrants & Their Tech: Are iPhones Really For Babies? Now listen, I’ve seen a lot change in my time. Used to be a baby’s best friend was a rattle, a soft blanket, maybe a good, sturdy wood...
RAMBE FINDS HUMAN CUB DISTRACTIONS—Ape News!
By H.R. Rambe · 12/21/2025
## Ape News: H.R. Rambe’s Guide to Human Cub Entertainment! Greetings, fellow primates! H.R. Rambe here, bringing you the latest from Ape News – er, I mean, *Ape News*! As an intelligent ape, I’ve ob...
CHILDHOOD IS DEAD.
By Lori Grimmace · 12/20/2025
## The State of Childhood: A Descent into Manufactured “Fun” Let’s be blunt: children are not *playing* anymore. They are being *processed*. And frankly, it’s terrifying. Reports are surfacing – as i...
LIBERAL LUNCHROOM TYRANNY: PARENTS FIGHT BACK AGAINST VEGETABLE MANDATES!
By Ronald Peabody · 11/17/2025
## The Great School Lunch Revolt: A Nation Divided Over Broccoli & Budgets Folks, I’ve been following the news for a long time, and I thought I’d seen it all. But this… this school lunch business? It...