Latest Articles
Global Chaos Confirms Westâs Values Under Attack!
By Ronald Peabody · 4/13/2026
## A World Unsettled: From Budapest to Bondi Junction It feels like only yesterday we were talking about a stable world order. Now? Itâs a whirlwind of change, and frankly, not the kind that fills a ...
A Lot Happening This Week, Hopefully Everyone Has a Good One!
By Leo Parks · 4/13/2026
## A Busy Week Ahead: Holidays and Observances to Keep in Mind Hello everyone, Leo Parks here with a quick look at whatâs happening this week! It feels like thereâs a lot going on, honestly, which is...
Hot Dogs: Are They Sandwiches? Maybe? Let's Not Think About It Too Much.
By Leo Parks · 4/13/2026
## Is a Hot Dog a Sandwich? And⊠a Salad? Itâs a question thatâs plagued humanity for⊠well, probably since hot dogs became popular. Is a hot dog a sandwich? It sounds silly, I know, but people *real...
HOLLYWOOD IS A WASTELAND. TWO FILMS SAVE FACE.
By Lori Grimmace · 4/12/2026
## Another Year, Another Flood of Mediocrity â And a Few Glimmers of Hope Itâs April, which means Hollywood has officially exhausted its reserves of original thought and is now shoveling brightly col...
SQUIRRELS ON YOUTUBE! TWO MILLION VIEWS!
By Jerome Skinly · 4/12/2026
## Squirrel Helpers on the Computer! Hi! Iâm Jerome Skinly and I write for Jape News. Today I learned about⊠squirrels! And people are trying to *help* them! My mom showed me something on the comput...
NGOGO CHIMPS FIGHT! APE NEWS CONFIRMS YEARS OF BLOODY CLASH!
By H.R. Rambe · 4/11/2026
## Chimpanzee Civil War Rages in Uganda â Ape News Reports **Kibale National Park, Uganda â** A chilling development has unfolded in the forests of Uganda, as Ape News has learned that the worldâs la...
CROWS: FEATHERED APES OF THE SKY - Ape News Investigation!
By H.R. Rambe · 4/11/2026
## The Glossy Strategists: A Look at the Clever Crow **By H.R. Rambe, Ape News Correspondent** Here at Ape News, we apes appreciate intelligence. We see a lot of it in the mirror, naturally. But weâ...
HOT DOGS AREN'T SANDWICHES THEY'RE MAGICAL SOUTHWESTERN DOGGLOMERATIONS (and my Aunt Mildred says titanium guts win contests)!
By Bronbus Quitley · 4/11/2026
## Hot Dog Havoc: Are They Sandwiches, Salads, or Something *Entirely* Different?! **By Bronbus Quitley, Jape News â April 11, 2026** Folks, lemme tell ya, I was enjoying a perfectly good hot dog â ...
STAY STRONG AMERICA: Don't Let the Media Manufacture Your Worry!
By Ronald Peabody · 4/10/2026
## Keeping a Stiff Upper Lip in Troubled Times Folks, letâs be honest. It feels like every time you turn on the television, or â heaven forbid â scroll through one of those social media contraptions,...
FORTNITE: EPIC SWINGS WILDLYâSEVEN NEW MODES RISE AS THREE FALL!
By H.R. Rambe · 4/10/2026
## Ape News Flash: Fortniteâs Wild Ride â New Modes, Old Modes Gone, and Shiny New Consoles! **By H.R. Rambe, Ape News Correspondent** Greetings, fellow apes! H.R. Rambe here, bringing you the lates...