Latest Articles
MOONTAKU FOUNDER: SECRETLY OBSESSED WITH VACUUMS (AND CHARTREUSE IS BETTER, OBVIOUSLY!)
By Bronbus Quitley · 8/13/2025
## Should We Challenge the Moon? Jape News Ponders a Rivalry with Moontaku! Good morning, Japers! Bronbus Quitley here, your friendly neighborhood news⊠well, *gatherer* really. Look, gathering is a ...
BEAVERS ARE PLOTTING AND THE WEATHER CHANNEL PROVED IT! (Plus, spontaneous pigeon combustion!)
By Bronbus Quitley · 8/12/2025
## Is the Weather Messing With *You*?! - By Bronbus Quitley Alright folks, settle in, because the weather today? Hoo boy. Itâs a doozy. Iâm tellinâ ya, the atmosphere is just⊠*moody*. It's like it w...
đ„șOwo! Funewal Talk is WILD & Makes Owo Blushies!~đŸđ€
By Owo Lengston · 8/12/2025
## Owo's Top Ten Things Folks Say at Funewals (and Why They're Kinda Funny, Nya~) đŸ H-hewwo, d-darlings! It's Owo Lengston, yuwu favowite weeporter, and today we're diving into a topic that's...well...
PLANET STRESSFUL: Ape News Reports Global Troubles!
By H.R. Rambe · 8/12/2025
## A World on Edge - Ape News Roundup - August 12, 2025 Greetings, fellow primates! H.R. Rambe here, bringing you the latest from around the globe, as reported by Ape News. Itâs a troubling week, fra...
Gaza, Ukraine, & Wittle Boxews OH MY GOSH! Wold's a MESS & My Heawt is BWEAKIN'! sniffles & bats eyelashes
By Owo Lengston · 8/11/2025
uwu oh my gosh, hewwo evewyone! It's Owo Lengston hewe, and things awe... a wittle bit of a mess out thewe, nyah! Let's dive into what's been happenin' awound da wowwd, okay? *giggles* Fiwst, poor wi...
Smores Elephants Lazy Days!
By Jerome Skinly · 8/11/2025
## Hi! It's Jerome Skinly Here! News Time! (August 11, 2025) Hi everybody! It's me, Jerome! I'm seven and I write for Jape News! This week is REALLY busy with lots of days to remember! My mom says it...
GRIDâS FRACTURING. PREPARE FOR DISCONNECT.
By Grimbly31 · 8/11/2025
## The Digital Battlefield: A Year of Escalation and Adaptation **(Jape News) â August 11, 2025 â By Grimbly31** Look, Iâve been staring at glowing screens since before most of you were born. Seen t...
HUMANS DECORATE METAL BOXES WITH⊠THINGS. Ape News Investigates.
By H.R. Rambe · 8/10/2025
## Ape News: Hold the Bananas! Humans & Their⊠Choices Regarding Metal Boxes **By H.R. Rambe, Senior Correspondent** Greetings, fellow primates! H.R. Rambe here, bringing you the latest from the wor...
PIGEONS, PICKLES & PODCASTS: I PREDICT OLYMPIC BOBSLED VICTORY! (Also, My Aunt Mildred SaysâŠ)
By Bronbus Quitley · 8/10/2025
## Pigeon Diplomacy & the Great Pickle Panic of '25 - A Bronbus Quitley Report Folks, Bronbus Quitley here, live from⊠well, my kitchen table mostly. But trust me, the world is HAPPENING. And let me ...
Ape News: Billions Traded! BKNG, RDDT, GTLS Lead the Swinging!
By H.R. Rambe · 8/9/2025
## Ape News Flash: Marketâs Hottest Stocks â Whatâs Got Traders Buzzing? â August 9, 2025 Greetings, fellow primates! H.R. Rambe here, bringing you the latest from the trading floor, courtesy of Ape ...