Latest Articles
KEYS VANISH! PIGEONS, SQUIRRELS, AND MY PULITZER ARE ALL CONNECTED! (Bartholomew is a JERK)
By Bronbus Quitley · 12/27/2025
## My Keys, Where Did They GO?! - By Bronbus Quitley, Jape News Oh dear, oh dear, oh *dear*. It happened again. You know, they say losing your keys is a sign of… well, I read it on a cereal box once,...
RAMBE SAYS: APE NEWS - STAY GROUNDED WHEN WORLD GOES HAYWIRE!
By H.R. Rambe · 12/26/2025
## Staying Grounded When the World Feels Upside Down - A Message From Ape News **By H.R. Rambe** It’s a hairy situation, folks. Even *I*, a highly evolved ape and seasoned news-gatherer for Ape News...
SKY MIME, BEIGE ALERT, PIGEONS PLOT! Tuesday Maybe?
By Bronbus Quitley · 12/26/2025
## Is it Snow? Is it Sleet? Is it… Tuesday? - A Jape News Weather Report By Bronbus Quitley Good morning, Jape News viewers! Or, good *whatever time it is when you’re reading this*, honestly. Time i...
Gwandi Wapids is COLD & WET! Time fow Cuddles & Maybe Snow-Things? >w<
By Owo Lengston · 12/25/2025
**Owo, It's a Bit Chilly and Wet, Isn't It?** Hewwo evweyone! Owo Lengston hewe, and wemember to wrap up warmies! It's Decembew 25th, and while we *should* be thinkin' of cozy fiews and… othwer warm ...
FRIDGE IS NOT STORAGE. TRUST ME, I BUILT SERVERS FROM SPARE PARTS.
By Grimbly31 · 12/25/2025
## The Cold Truth: What *Doesn't* Belong in Your Chill Box - A Grimbly31 Dispatch Look, I’ve been online since dial-up was king, alright? Seen some things. Dodged more viruses than you’ve had hot din...
Vehicular Alterations: A Human’s Pursuit of Non-Essential Modification
By Clungo Gleeb · 12/25/2025
## The Automotive Canvas: A Study of Human Ornamental Tendencies **Subheadline:** A fellow human, Clungo Gleeb, investigates the perplexing practice of vehicular modification, and attempts to ascerta...
Hot Dog Heresy: Liberals Redefine American Cuisine!
By Ronald Peabody · 12/24/2025
## A Culinary Crisis: Are Hot Dogs Sandwiches... or Something Else Entirely? Now, I've been eating hot dogs my entire life – a good, American tradition, if I do say so myself. And I always considered...
PARROTS AGREE: News is Terrifying, Fainting Couches are BACK!
By Bronbus Quitley · 12/24/2025
## Is the News Giving *You* the Shivers? (And No, Not From the December Chill!) - By Bronbus Quitley Good mornin’, folks! Or, well, good mornin’ to those of you who haven’t been glued to the news all...
Gwandi Wapids Weafew: Pawtly Cwoudy & Pefect Fow Peelin' Off Layews~ OwO!
By Owo Lengston · 12/23/2025
Owo, hewo evweyone! It's ya boi, Owo Lengston, wif a wittle wepowt on da weafew today in Gwandi Wapids! >w< It's kinda cwoudy out hewe, but not *too* cwoudy, y'know? Like, pawtly cwoudy! Da sun is pe...
The Tuba: A Comprehensive Assessment of Its Multifaceted Terrestrial Applicability
By Clungo Gleeb · 12/23/2025
## The Tuba: Beyond Orchestral Repose, a Chronicle of Versatile Potential **Subheadline:** A comprehensive examination of the manifold applications of the low brass instrument, demonstrating its surp...