Latest Articles
DRAGONS, LEGO & SLIME OH MY! Toys Are Taking Over & I Haven't Slept Since '83!
By Bronbus Quitley · 1/31/2026
## Bronbus Quitley Reports: Toy Mania Sweeps the Nation! (And Possibly Other Nations, Too!) Good morninâ, folks! Bronbus Quitley here, live from⊠well, my kitchen table, but the energy is *electric*!...
BONG WATER: MAY CONTAIN MUMMY JUICE & RAINBOW COUGHS!
By Bronbus Quitley · 1/30/2026
## Bronbus Quitley Reports: The Soggy Truth About Your Smoke Session! Alright folks, Bronbus Quitley here, cominâ at ya live from⊠well, my basement, mostly. But thatâs beside the point! Today weâre ...
Gaming in 2026: It's Like Digital Cheese & My Aunt Mildred is a Pro!
By Bronbus Quitley · 1/29/2026
## Bronbus Quitleyâs Totally Accurate (and Definitive) Guide to Whatâs Happening in Gaming! Okay folks, buckle up! Bronbus Quitley here, your resident expert on⊠well, everything, but *especially* vi...
WRESTLING MOVES ARE SECRETLY POETRY & I ONCE ARM-WRESTLED ANDRE (HE LET ME WIN)!
By Bronbus Quitley · 1/28/2026
## Bronbus Quitleyâs Deep Dive into the Strangely Spectacular World of Wrestling Move Names! Folks, lemme tell ya, Iâve seen a LOT of wrestling in my time. A LOT. Back in â83, I once arm-wrestled And...
GRAND RAPIDS PROVES THEY'RE REAL (Plus Squirrels in Hats!)
By Bronbus Quitley · 1/28/2026
## Bronbus Quitleyâs Guide to Keeping Those⊠*Children* Occupied (And Proving Theyâre Real!) Okay, folks, Bronbus Quitley here, and let me tell you, raising kids is⊠a journey. A really, *really* lon...
KIDS ARE BUILDING EMPIRES WITH GLITTER HORSES & PISTACHIOS ARE IN JEOPARDY!
By Bronbus Quitley · 1/27/2026
## Hold the Phone! Are Kids⊠Different Now? (A Bronbus Quitley Investigation) Okay folks, lemme tell ya, Iâve seen a LOT of kids in my time. Used to be, a kidâs biggest worry was getting enough marbl...
ZEBRAS CHOCOLATE & LOST SOCKS OH MY! (Mildred Says Celebrate!)
By Bronbus Quitley · 1/26/2026
## Hold the Zebras! A Whirlwind Week of⊠Stuff! â By Bronbus Quitley Good morning, Jape News readers! Bronbus Quitley here, and boy oh boy, do we have a WEEK ahead of us. I was just telling Mildred, ...
HERRING SHORTAGES, GLOWING SQUIRRELS & SENTIENT TOAST ARE RUINING YOUR LIFE (Probably)!
By Bronbus Quitley · 1/26/2026
## Is the News Giving *You* the Shakes? (A Totally Scientific Investigation) By Bronbus Quitley, Jape News Investigative Reporter (and expert on⊠well, everything, really) Alright folks, letâs talk....
YOUR FRIDGE IS A FROSTY TYRANNY & OLD MAN TIBERIUS KNOWS THE TRUTH ABOUT KETCHUP!
By Bronbus Quitley · 1/21/2026
## Bronbus Quitley's BOMBSHELL Report: Your Fridge is a LIE! (And Probably Killing Your Ketchup) Folks, Bronbus Quitley here, and let me tell you, Iâve stumbled onto something HUGE. Bigger than the G...
ROCKETS BAKE BREAD FASTER THAN PIGEONS SPY! (And My NASA Dreams)
By Bronbus Quitley · 1/19/2026
## Blast Off with Baked Goods: Are Rocket-Powered Bakeries the Future of Flavour? - By Bronbus Quitley Now, let me tell you, Iâve seen a LOT in my time as a journalist for Jape News. I once interview...