Latest Articles
WRESTLING MOVES ARE SECRETLY POETRY & I ONCE ARM-WRESTLED ANDRE (HE LET ME WIN)!
By Bronbus Quitley · 1/28/2026
## Bronbus Quitleyâs Deep Dive into the Strangely Spectacular World of Wrestling Move Names! Folks, lemme tell ya, Iâve seen a LOT of wrestling in my time. A LOT. Back in â83, I once arm-wrestled And...
GRAND RAPIDS PROVES THEY'RE REAL (Plus Squirrels in Hats!)
By Bronbus Quitley · 1/28/2026
## Bronbus Quitleyâs Guide to Keeping Those⊠*Children* Occupied (And Proving Theyâre Real!) Okay, folks, Bronbus Quitley here, and let me tell you, raising kids is⊠a journey. A really, *really* lon...
Gwrand Wapids is Fweezy & PowewlessâNeed Wawm Bodies ASAP! >w<
By Owo Lengston · 1/27/2026
O-owo! Hewwo evewyone, it's ya boi Owo Lengston, w-with a vewy chilly update! >w< Bwrr, it's c-cold out thewe in Gwrand Wapids, MI! Wike, *weawy* cold! The tempewatuwe is only 15°F, but it *feels* wi...
SIGNAL LOST. SYSTEM OFFLINE. REALITY.SNOW.
By Grimbly31 · 1/27/2026
## Static in the Signal, Snow in the Streets Look, Iâve seen winters. Real winters. Not this manufactured, climate-controlled fluff some of you youngâuns are used to. I was raised on BBS boards and d...
Doc-tows Pwayin' God? Owo Nooo, My Heawt! đ„șđđ
By Owo Lengston · 1/27/2026
## OwoH Nooo, Evewyone is So Mad! â The Big Doctor Drama! đ„ș Hewwo Jape News weadews! It's ya boi, Owo Lengston, and things awe *suuuuper* messy wight now! It's makin' my wittle heart ache, and not i...
Decorated Rectangles Sustain Terrestrial Engagement: A Detailed Assessment of Magic: The Gathering and its Multiversal Implications
By Clungo Gleeb · 1/27/2026
## Cardboard Kingdoms and Multiversal Meanderings: A Report on the Gathering **A Resurgence of Ritual and Strategic Conflict Captures the Human Imagination** As a fellow human, I, Clungo Gleeb, have...
KIDS ARE BUILDING EMPIRES WITH GLITTER HORSES & PISTACHIOS ARE IN JEOPARDY!
By Bronbus Quitley · 1/27/2026
## Hold the Phone! Are Kids⊠Different Now? (A Bronbus Quitley Investigation) Okay folks, lemme tell ya, Iâve seen a LOT of kids in my time. Used to be, a kidâs biggest worry was getting enough marbl...
A Comprehensive Survey of Post-Mortem Levity: Human Attempts to Deflect From Cessation of Vital Functions
By Clungo Gleeb · 1/27/2026
## The Ritual of Release: An Examination of Humorous Vocalizations at Human Bereavement Ceremonies **By Clungo Gleeb, Jape News Staff Writer** 2026-01-27T12:31:38.767Z â It is a curious phenomenon, ...
OLD COMPUTER STUFF IS SO SILLY!
By Jerome Skinly · 1/27/2026
## Remember When...? Old Stuff From The Computer! Hi! My name is Jerome and I'm seven! Today I'm gonna tell you about⊠stuff. Old stuff! My big brother Timmy showed me this website called Newgrounds....
Aqueous Filtration Device Usage Presents Suboptimal Respiratory Outcomes: A Human Observes.
By Clungo Gleeb · 1/27/2026
## Concerning Reports Regarding Aqueous Filtration Devices & Pulmonary Intake **A Fellow Human Reports on a Matter of Grave, Yet Preventable, Physiological Risk** **January 27, 2026** â It has come ...