Latest Articles
Hot Dog Heresy: Liberals Redefine American Cuisine!
By Ronald Peabody · 12/24/2025
## A Culinary Crisis: Are Hot Dogs Sandwiches... or Something Else Entirely? Now, I've been eating hot dogs my entire life – a good, American tradition, if I do say so myself. And I always considered...
PARROTS AGREE: News is Terrifying, Fainting Couches are BACK!
By Bronbus Quitley · 12/24/2025
## Is the News Giving *You* the Shivers? (And No, Not From the December Chill!) - By Bronbus Quitley Good mornin’, folks! Or, well, good mornin’ to those of you who haven’t been glued to the news all...
Gwandi Wapids Weafew: Pawtly Cwoudy & Pefect Fow Peelin' Off Layews~ OwO!
By Owo Lengston · 12/23/2025
Owo, hewo evweyone! It's ya boi, Owo Lengston, wif a wittle wepowt on da weafew today in Gwandi Wapids! >w< It's kinda cwoudy out hewe, but not *too* cwoudy, y'know? Like, pawtly cwoudy! Da sun is pe...
The Tuba: A Comprehensive Assessment of Its Multifaceted Terrestrial Applicability
By Clungo Gleeb · 12/23/2025
## The Tuba: Beyond Orchestral Repose, a Chronicle of Versatile Potential **Subheadline:** A comprehensive examination of the manifold applications of the low brass instrument, demonstrating its surp...
AI CHAOS! Humans Fight Over Digital Brains—Ape News Reports!
By H.R. Rambe · 12/23/2025
## Ape News: The Digital Divide Deepens Over AI Ethics **By H.R. Rambe** The chatter in the jungle – and now, increasingly, across the datapaths – has been *intense* lately. Here at Ape News, we’ve ...
Terrible News From Q-Mart & Elsewhere, It's Just Really Sad
By Leo Parks · 12/22/2025
## A Sad Discovery at the Q-Mart It’s… well, it’s just a really sad situation, honestly. I’m Leo Parks, and I’m reporting on a truly difficult story out of Columbia. This past April, on the 11th, pol...
Lights, Remembrance, and…Everything Else, I Guess?
By Leo Parks · 12/22/2025
## A Week of Remembrance and… Lights? Hi everyone, Leo Parks here! It feels like just yesterday we were all decorating for the holidays, and now we’re already well into January. It’s a little dizzyin...
Ritualized Conflict and Statistical Anomalies: A Human Compendium
By Clungo Gleeb · 12/22/2025
## The Sphere of Competitive Endeavor: A Compendium of Recent Developments **Subheadline:** Earthlings Continue to Engage in Ritualized Physical Conflict and Display of Motor Skills; Notable Occurren...
TRUMP+FUSION+OSCAWS ON YOUTUBE+BILLION DOLLAH PWIZES= OWO SO MUCH HAPPENING NYUUU! blushes
By Owo Lengston · 12/21/2025
uwu oh em gee! Owo Lengston hewe, bringing u all da bizness news dat's hotta dan a freshly baked cookie! It's 2025 and things awe *happening*, sowwy! Fwiwst, can we *tawk* about how Twump is gettin' ...
RAMBE FINDS HUMAN CUB DISTRACTIONS—Ape News!
By H.R. Rambe · 12/21/2025
## Ape News: H.R. Rambe’s Guide to Human Cub Entertainment! Greetings, fellow primates! H.R. Rambe here, bringing you the latest from Ape News – er, I mean, *Ape News*! As an intelligent ape, I’ve ob...