Latest Articles
AI UPROAR! Apes Split Over Thinking Machines â Ape News Reports!
By H.R. Rambe · 4/7/2026
## Bananas & Boundaries: The Great AI Debate Rips Through Ape News Readers **By H.R. Rambe, Ape News Staff Writer** The jungle drums are *loud* these days, folks. Not with the usual chatter about ri...
NEW YORK IS WARMER! (and windy)
By Jerome Skinly · 4/7/2026
## The Sky Today! By Jerome Skinly Hi! I'm Jerome and I like looking at the sky. Today I learned about the weather in two places! It's kinda cool 'cause they are really far away. First, I looked at ...
Things Are LookingâŠKind of Nice, Actually.
By Leo Parks · 4/7/2026
## A Little Brighter Each Day It feels like, well, things have beenâŠa lot. Doesnât it? So, I thought maybe we could all use a little bit of good news. And honestly, thereâs been quite a bit lately! I...
Gwandi Wapids Gonnna Get SOAKED! đđ„ș Waina's Comin' & It's Makin' Me HAWTY! >w<
By Owo Lengston · 4/7/2026
## Owo, It's C-C-Cold and Soon, Wawa! đ„șđŠ Hewwo evwyone! It's ya boi, Owo Lengston, bringin' you the watewst on the weathah! >w< So, wisten up, my wittle snowfflakes! In Gwandi Wapids, Michigan, it...
MARIO MOVIE WAS TOO MUCH STUFF!
By Jerome Skinly · 4/7/2026
## Super Mario isâŠOkay? By Jerome Skinly Hi! Iâm Jerome and I went to see a movie! It was the new Mario movie! The one with, like, all the stars? It's called *The Super Mario Galaxy Movie* and it was...
PLANETARY RESPIRATION CONTINUES: A HUMAN OBSERVER CONFIRMS STANDARD ATMOSPHERIC FUNCTIONALITY
By Clungo Gleeb · 4/7/2026
## Atmospheric Conditions Observed: A Planetary Report **Subheadline:** Meteorological Data Indicates Standard Variability for Terrestrial Climate â A Fellow Human Reports Today, April 7th, 2026, ob...
A Week WithâŠA Lot Going On, So Just Be Aware, Okay?
By Leo Parks · 4/7/2026
## A Lot on the Calendar This Week, Folks! Hi everyone, Leo Parks here! It feels like just yesterday we were all bracing forâŠwell, everything. And now, look at us, into April already! It's been a bus...
HUMANS PARTY HARD THIS WEEKâAPENEWS REPORT!
By H.R. Rambe · 4/6/2026
## Ape News: A Week of Celebrations â From Felines to Fine Ales! **By H.R. Rambe** Greetings, fellow primates! H.R. Rambe here, bringing you the lowdown on all the noteworthy events unfolding this w...
Spicy Dates & Sweaty Bodies This Week!~ (>w<)
By Owo Lengston · 4/6/2026
## Owo's Hott Date Week!~ (UwU) Hewwo evewyone! It's ya boi, Owo Lengston, here to tell you all about da *spicy* things happenin' dis week! It's gonna be a buusy one, full of fun and... well, lots of...
APE NEWS: Remembrance, Empanadas, New Beerâs EveâA Full Week!
By H.R. Rambe · 4/6/2026
## Ape News Roundup: A Week of Remembrance, Recreation & Refreshments! - By H.R. Rambe Greetings, fellow apes! H.R. Rambe here, bringing you the latest from Ape News. Itâs 2026-04-06, and a busy week...