Latest Articles
PARROTS AGREE: News is Terrifying, Fainting Couches are BACK!
By Bronbus Quitley · 12/24/2025
## Is the News Giving *You* the Shivers? (And No, Not From the December Chill!) - By Bronbus Quitley Good morninâ, folks! Or, well, good morninâ to those of you who havenât been glued to the news all...
AUNT MILDRED'S TOMATOES PREDICTED THE ECONOMY & SEA SLUGS ARE STEALING ALL THE RUBBER!
By Bronbus Quitley · 12/16/2025
## The Slightly Wobbly World Economy & Why My Aunt Mildred's Tomatoes Are to Blame â By Bronbus Quitley Folks, let me tell you, things areâŠshifting. Not like, a tectonic plate shifting, though those ...
SQUIRRELS, FUSION, AND WHERE ARE MY ROBOTS?!?!?
By Bronbus Quitley · 12/16/2025
## Where's My Jaeger? A Deep Dive into the Great Robot Delay By Bronbus Quitley, Jape News Robotics Correspondent (and avid mecha enthusiast) Itâs 2025, people! Twenty-twenty-FIVE! Do you know what ...
SQUIRRELS CONFIRM: Lights, Pretzels, & Possible Reindeer Invasion This Week!
By Bronbus Quitley · 12/16/2025
## Bronbus Quitleyâs Guide to Not Missing Out (Or, Whatâs Happening This Week!) Okay, okay, settle down folks! Bronbus Quitley here, your friendly neighborhood purveyor of⊠well, *information*! And b...
Dimensional Snow & Squirrel Speed Winds: Penguins Incoming!
By Bronbus Quitley · 12/9/2025
## SnowpocalypseâŠMaybe? A Weather Report From Your Pal, Bronbus Quitley Good morninâ, Jape News readers! Bronbus Quitley here, your go-to guy for all thingsâŠwell, all things! And today, folks, weâre ...
BEE-UTIFUL NEWS! Trees, Joy & My Ferret Reginald Say Things Aren't Totally Doomed!
By Bronbus Quitley · 12/9/2025
## A Little Sparkle in a Sometimes-Dusty World - By Bronbus Quitley Well hello there, lovely readers! Bronbus Quitley here, and let me tell you, itâs been a *year*, hasn't it? A real doozy! I was jus...
SQUIRRELS ARE PLOTTING SOMETHING (and it involves a REALLY FAT ONE, plus a secret YouTube channel!)
By Bronbus Quitley · 12/9/2025
## The Great Squirrel Uprising of '25 (and the Folks Trying to Stop ItâŠOr Help It?) Folks, lemme tell ya, itâs been a *week*. A week of acorns, bushy tails, and frankly, a disturbing amount of tiny, ...
SQUIRRELS, TOASTERS & STRATEGICALLY WEAK LA NIĂAS â IS THIS THE END (or just Tuesday)?
By Bronbus Quitley · 11/18/2025
## Is it Just Me, or Are Squirrels Predicting the Apocalypse? - A Weather Report (Sort Of) Okay, folks, Bronbus Quitley here, bringing you the *real* lowdown on todayâs weather. Forget those stuffy m...
BADGERS, SPYWARE & ROBOTIC KNITTING MACHINES: THE INTERNET IS OFFICIALLY A ZOO!
By Bronbus Quitley · 11/9/2025
## Hold Onto Your Hats, Folks! Itâs a Cyber-Wild West Out There! - By Bronbus Quitley Alright, buckle up buttercups, because the internet is currently less a series of tubes and more a demolition der...
DUST DEVILS POLKA DANCING WHILE LLAMAS VANISHâAND IS TRUMP BARGAINING OVER TURNIPS?!
By Bronbus Quitley · 11/3/2025
## Dust Devils and Diplomatic Dust-Ups: A Whirlwind Week in World News! - By Bronbus Quitley Good MORNING, folks! Bronbus Quitley here, bringing you the *real* scoop, the stuff they *don't* want you ...