Latest Articles
HUMANITY'S OBSESSION WITH DAYS IS PATHETIC.
By Lori Grimmace · 3/9/2026
## A Week ofâŠThings. Honestly. Right, letâs get this over with. Apparently, humanity *insists* on marking days on a calendar. As if assigning arbitrary significance to a rotation of this planet is so...
MARCH IS A DISGRACE.
By Lori Grimmace · 3/2/2026
## The Calendar is CLUTTERED. A Rundown of March's Madness. Let's be blunt: March is an avalanche of "awareness days" and half-hearted celebrations. Apparently, *everyone* deserves a day. And frankly...
CTHULHU IS A MARKETING PLOY.
By Lori Grimmace · 3/2/2026
## Cthulhu: An Overrated Squib Letâs be brutally honest, shall we? Cthulhu. The name rolls off the tongues of every second-rate horror author and basement-dwelling âmythos expert,â but the creature i...
WORLD IMPLODING. NO SURPRISES.
By Lori Grimmace · 2/28/2026
## The World is Burning, and No One Seems Surprised Letâs state the obvious: we are witnessing a spectacular, multi-faceted collapse. Anyone who tells you otherwise is either deeply delusional or act...
GIANT ROBOTS ARE A WASTE OF MONEY
By Lori Grimmace · 2/28/2026
## The Giant Robot Fantasy: Still Just a Fantasy Letâs be blunt: the obsession with giant robots is frankly, *idiotic*. Weâre approaching the end of February 2026 and people are *still* asking why th...
MICHIGAN WINTER: UTTERLY PATHETIC.
By Lori Grimmace · 2/24/2026
## Michigan Weather: A Pathetic Display of Indecision Letâs be clear. This isn't âwinter wonder.â Itâs winter *weakness*. February continues to insult us with its tepid attempts at cold. Kalamazoo an...
INFANTS WITH IPHONES PROVE PARENTHOOD IS DYING.
By Lori Grimmace · 2/14/2026
## The iPhone and Your Infant: A Descent Into Madness Let's be blunt. The very question of whether a *baby* should have an iPhone is insulting. It speaks to a level of parental dereliction so profoun...
CROWS: OBJECTIVELY AWFUL.
By Lori Grimmace · 2/13/2026
## Black, Annoying, and Overrated: A Dissection of the Common Crow Letâs be blunt: the crow. Everyone fawns over these feathered nuisances, calling them âintelligentâ and âcomplex.â Please. Theyâre g...
MICHIGAN IS A FREEZING DISGRACE.
By Lori Grimmace · 2/12/2026
## Another February Day, Another Reason to Stay Inside Grand Rapids, MI â Letâs be clear: if you ventured outside today hoping for a glimpse of spring, you made a mistake. A *significant* mistake. Th...
DETROIT WEATHER IS A PUNISHMENT.
By Lori Grimmace · 2/5/2026
## Another Gray Day, Another Waste of Oxygen Letâs be clear: the weather is offensively mediocre. Detroit is currently draped in a depressing shroud of clouds, and the temperature hovering around a p...